


To Belong

by dreakawa



Series: Sanders Sides [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Needed to get this out of my system, One Shot, Pain, Spoilers, SvS Redux spoilers, This episode hurt me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23986915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreakawa/pseuds/dreakawa
Summary: After a particularly upsetting meeting with Patton, Thomas, and Deceit/Janus, Roman finds himself in a spiral of regret as his worst nightmare is realized.
Relationships: None
Series: Sanders Sides [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1555222
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	To Belong

**Author's Note:**

> Hi fellow fanders <3
> 
> So... needless to say, the new episode broke me in ways I didn't think it could. I cried for hours after and wrote this in the midst of all of that because Roman is me and I just... felt it all so deeply? So that's this sdjsal
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!

_Too much. Too loud. Too brash._

_You did this. You did this. Only you._

The thoughts scream louder as Roman rises into his room, his entire form shaking. It had finally happened; his greatest fear coming true.

He'd alienated everyone. Logan, Patton, Thomas.

_Thomas_.

God, not him. Not his Thomas.

The way he'd looked at him… the disappointment.

He'd never forget that look.

_"My name… is Janus."_

_"JANUS??? What are you, a middle school librarian? It's a stupid name."_

Roman knew as he was saying it how cruel it was. _It's a stupid name?_ What was he thinking?

Patton and Thomas clearly felt the same way, but that was nothing compared to the next words that left Deceit- no, Janus's lips.

He didn't even look angry as he said the next words. Roman almost wished he'd lashed out instead.

_"Roman, thank **God** you don't have a mustache! Otherwise between you and Remus… I wouldn't know **who** the evil twin is!"_

The _evil_ twin?

An ugly feeling grew in the pit of his stomach as he'd looked for comfort, for support.

Instead, he found wandering eyes and silence.

Patton? _Thomas?_

The words echo in his head, the pit growing as he remembers the disappointment on Thomas's face. The slight hesitation in his words. The fact that they were sticking with _Deceit_ over him.

One thought trickles in the back of his mind. It's an all too familiar thought, an ugly one. One he does his best to shake off.

_No, no, no. Not now._

He needs to get out.

Stepping out of one of the side doors, he finds himself in a medieval setting, his usual armor glistening in the sun. Unfortunately, he doesn't feel much like a prince.

He doesn't deserve that much.

"I didn't mean it…" The words tumble from his lips as he stumbles forward, sword in hand. He's not really running at anything in particular, just… charging forward. He can't seem to stop speaking, either. "Didn't mean it. I snapped, I didn't… I…"

Either he trips or falls but either way, Roman finds himself face down in the grass, ugly sobs tearing their way out of his chest. Fingers grip at the grass, desperate to find something to cling to. He's alone, he's alone, _he's alone._

Not just alone. Unwanted. Unneeded.

He stuck up for Patton and he was beaten down for it.

He doesn't know how he ends up back in his room - sometimes the mindscape knows to bring him back, he thinks - but he finds himself on his carpet, wearing just his sweatpants. His coat is on the ground in shreds, his eyes red from crying.

_They don't want you. They never wanted you._

_You're not worthy of their time. They have Deceit now - **Janus** \- and they look at him how you wanted them to look at you._

_You ruined things. If you'd kept your mouth shut, they'd have defended you. Instead, you lashed out and you ruined everything._

_You, you, **you**._

"P-Please…" His sobs are muffled by the carpet, tears soaking the fabric as he tries to find any will to sit, stand, move. It's hard, so hard. So he stays put.

"M'sorry." Another sob escapes him, the words barely above a whisper. "Patton, Thomas, Logan, Virgil… Janus… I'm so s-sorry. You d-deserve better than me."

He stays on the floor for either minutes or hours before managing to drag himself into his bed, curling up under the covers and silently weeping until he falls asleep, one last thought on his mind.

_You don't belong anymore._

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos/comments if you enjoyed it!! If you hate Roman I just ask that you please don't comment, Roman hate is genuinely triggering right now.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! <3


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